I love to be alone. No really, I do. I love just sitting listening to music without being disturbed while I just do whatever it is I need to get done. Whether it be editing photos, updating my website or doing small amounts of homework or, gosh, even reading. I don’t really get a chance to read anymore. . .To some I might seem to have it pretty easy, like how could I complain. I have a nice full-time job along with my photography a great group of friends and I get to do some online schooling. So yeah, no life’s good I’m having a great time.
Yes, I’m having a good time and I’m getting a lot done making money and accomplishing some things I never thought I would be able to do. Though my life, and everything in it, becomes a struggle when I don’t get time to be alone and recharge. I’m one of those people who NEED time alone to be okay, to be mentally healthy. That’s not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with me but when I don’t get that time I start to get into some really negative mind spaces. I start to self-sabotage and get really cranky and am really not a person you want to be around.
It took me a long time (about 17 years) to fully realize this about myself. I used to be very dependent on other people. Like constantly wanting to go do something constantly wanting to hang out with my friends and needing someone there to talk or just be around. I think this weird sort of dependence was super bad for me as a teen. Having a long-time boyfriend who I spent literally all of my time with honestly wasn’t what I should have been doing at that age either. (Though not I wouldn’t change anything about my life now because it got me to where I am now bablah blah). I wish I would have done more stuff alone. Gone to the movies, gone outside, just hung out alone. Of course, I can do all that stuff now and stuff and it’s great to be able to really experience it now as an adult, If there was one thing I could tell my younger self it would be that it’s okay to be alone.
My dependence, or what I thought it was dependence, on others whether it be boyfriends or just friends was actually the opposite I think. You see when I would get upset about any said problem, back then I would just call someone and talk about my feelings and emotions. No really, I would call ANYONE I considered a friend to help me work out my problems and, holy shit honey please chill with that. I highly DO NOT advise that. See along with being a now-recovered-once-dependent-but-not-really-actualy-dependent-person, I use to be way too trusting of others and now that I look back at it that’s really where a lot of my problems came from. You really cannot trust anyone with your feelings and emotions. Anyway back to the point I would call someone and just like talk about my problems instead of making my own decisions and facing them on my own. So this along with my constant wanting to hang out with people is really why I believe I was so emotionally unstable throughout middle and high school. ITS OKAY TO BE ALONE.
So skip to now, I’m almost 20 and I’m just now getting the just of this. When I’m feeling emotional or confused or just about any emotion that a hug from a friend or some cuddling with my boyfriend can’t fix instead of pushing my problems outwards I bring them in and I think about it.
You know I use to think a huge problem of mine was overthinking, but it turns out I just wasn’t thinking enough by myself, I was handing my problems to other saying “here fix this form me,” or “what do you think”. First of all, WHY THE HELL. Why would you put problem and situations that are significant or meaningful to you into someone else’s hands? They aren’t going to have to deal with the consequences of SHIT if they make the “wrong” decision. That all going to fall onto you. So instead ask yourself what would the older, wiser, basically the you, you strive to be do? (WWFYD? Short for What Would Future You Do?) Then figure it out yourself because you can’t trust everyone honey. Don’t get me wrong it totally okay to have those close to you that you go to for advice and support but in the end its your life, you’re the one who’s going to have to live with the decisions made.
So at the risk of having to change this discussion to a post about not trusting others and trusting yourself let me tell you why being alone is so freaking amazing.
You literally do not have to talk to anyone. Im one of those people as stated before that needs time alone to really be a decent human being. Sometimes when I’m around people for too long I get downright exhausted. Not because of the people its just me. If you want a little more of an explanation I think it has to do with how I’m almost too empathetic and I hella tune into people’s emotions along with my people-pleaser-ness. It’s just a disaster, when I’m around other for too long I basically do small thing that end up putting their needs over my own in an effort to make sure everyone is happy and okay. I take the responsibility of making sure everyone is having a good time. That’s not really a smart healthy thing and im working on it but it’s a thing none the less. In these situations, it literally become an effort to talk to people and come up with things to say and responses. That why I love alone time so much. It really gives me time to only thing and worry about my needs and what I need to do for myself. I don’t have to have distractions or brakes in my train of though and I can just get so much done, whether its work, napping, soul-searching or just figuring out my own issues.
You can go literally anywhere that puts you at ease to do this! My spots rotate, though my favorite places are typically coffee shops. There’s a perfect little spot not too far from my area called Merriweather’s. This post is brought to you from Merriweather’s in fact for that’s where in sitting here writing this as I scarf down a burrito and a coffee. This is one of those places where I can get shit done. I typically don’t have people that want t bother me for sometimes hours on end. It’s fantastic. I just plop down in one of my favorite’s spots (all MUST be by outlets, because laptop) and get to it. Coffee shops are my techy work spots for when I need to write or edit or just you know get some shit done. They also have fast Wi-Fi. A luxury I don’t get at my house in the middle of nowhere. These sopts can really be anywhere, the key is I want to be somewhere where I know that I won’t get interrupted in the midst of getting shit done. Other spots include but are not limited to: Third Space -coffee shop in Bonner Springs, Messenger Coffee -coffee shop in downtown KC, my bedroom, Java Break -coffee shop in Lawrence, the opens fields of Leavenworth County, Kenneth Bernard park in a little hiding spot. Coffee shops and nature are always solid options also anywhere in your home that you feel like you won’t be bothered in.
You get to create an atmosphere that 100% you as no one should be bothering you! I like to of course always pick a chair in the best spot of the coffee shops. One with a little natural lighting, one that has a light touch of the air conditioner and or heater to make it a perfect temperature, If I can get a seat outside on a nice day even better! In my room I grab a blanket or pillow and when going somewhere outdoor I like to bring a little throw blanket. When I find this spot, I put on my music which is usually just something relaxing words or no words something that’s is just calming to me in the moment. There are a few particular playlists on Spotify that are actually perfect. So yeah, we got the place the music maybe a nice cup of coffee or maybe if your t home you have a candle burning. Just something that put you in a good mood to in a mood that feels 100% you. My favorite days to spend some time alone are rainy days so if you have the weather on your side even better. Hammocks are also pretty neat for this.
Your alone time can consist of literally anything. This is a time for you. Like this is my time to take for myself to work through issues so if I want to sit and cry I’m going to freaking do it. I’m going sit and cry and be alone and work that shit out because as horrible and lonely as that sounds sometimes it’s just something that is a need! If you want to go, see a movie by yourself at the theaters freaking do it. Do whatever it is that brings you closer to yourself and makes you feel good! Alone time is a time to focus of yourself. Your alone time might not be there same as mine because you might need some different things than I do. Just because my alone time generally occurs at a coffee shop on my computer or at home reading next to some candles while it rains doesn’t mean yours has to.
I think my big problem would be I would try to be around people so much that I'd get stressed and just exhausted by it so in an attempt to fix my stress and exhaustion I would go talk to people in hopes that in doing so, they would help me figure it out or I would just start to feel better. This, of course, was the opposite of what I needed most the time.
Something that ill say over and over again is this: Get to know yourself, like really, because you might think you know everything there is to you know about yourself but you probably don't. Not fully at least. You really have to tune in and turn everything off sometimes before you can understand. I'm an introverted, extrovert. I love hanging out and talking to people, but it drains me I gain energy and feel better typically, after spending sometime alone and it took a lot of this alone time I have been talking about to really understand this.